This was a revelation I had in August 2019. This revelation has now been practically approached with the technical crutch of pneumonic memory techniques to capture text in object form and - just as importantly - to recall those objects after applying a trigger to cues. The larger revelation however is that in auditioning for countless commercials I was not preparing myself fully. And conversely when auditioning for costars I was putting too much pressure on "The Career of It All" that I wouldn't perform to my own standards. So, how can I find a happy medium between not caring TOO MUCH and not caring AT ALL? Well, the secret for me is - like a riddle - hidden in its question. The Happy Medium can be found for me by finding my happiness. Chasing joy. I want to make interesting choices and to express myself and contribute as a creative robust storyteller so I have to find ways of doing that with the script I am given. I have to first take a script and find my way of getting excited. How do I find the joy in ____ script? If I can't, I really should turn down even the offer to audition. Until I can afford to do that, however, I am tasked to find and to chase the joy in every script I can find. IT'S NOT ABOUT DOING WHAT IS "REQUIRED" NO MATTER WHAT THE ACTING COACHES, ACTING CLASSES, OR BOOKS ON ACTING SAY. It is about building something from the ground up. Being there FOR REAL. It's not about tricks. Tricks will fail you. They fail me ALL. THE. TIME. Because tricks are only the icing on the cake. They only make the eye focus on one thing at one point in time for one reason. But if there is no substance and I am failing in my duties IN GENERAL...how do I rectify this? By showing up, by being true to myself, and - when they don't want me YES this can be taken more harshly as a personal slight or failing or rejection - BUT ACTUALLY what is happening is that you are playing the odds. FINALLY. You are in the mix as you, Jamie. You are being considered as the person as the performer as the bright light that you are. Just shine. And what fuel allows you to shine? The fuel of sheer joy. So find it and chase it!